Monday, November 15, 2010

Getting Started

Okay, so here's the thing...I find myself increasingly surrounded by people, things and events and yet strangely more isolated than ever and never seem to find enough time to keep track of everyone and everything via normal social networking sites, so I'm taking the plunge and starting a blog. I have no idea whether anyone will ever read it, and I really don't much care, but I haven't been writing for release like I used to a few years ago, and I realized I need to. I love writing. I love the power and ownership of words and the way you can use them to communicate something as ethereal as a feeling or sensation.

I'm at that stage of life where my identity is constantly under construction as my children become adults and my home becomes something beyond my control. I recently took up pottery and absolutely love it, but it's hard to justify the time it takes me away from my family and spouse and I occasionally feel a twinge of guilt for the indulgence. But if I don't make the time, I become trapped in a world not of my own making which makes everyone unhappy eventually. And so far, it's much better than antidepressants with none of the bothersome side-effects (other than dried out hands and clay smears).

My faith is changing too. Sometimes it's hard to remember what it was like not to be totally sure about my beliefs and their value in my life. That makes it hard to watch my children struggle with their own ideology and not be able to point out how much easier it is when they embrace the truth. When you know it's right, it's difficult to accept that it might not be right for someone else. I live in hope that one day they'll all feel the way I do about being LDS and it won't just be a label. But faith is individual, isn't it?

Someone today mentioned that they have come to the conclusion that Proverbs 22:6 "aTrain up a bchild in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."obviously doesn't apply to their offspring. And I found myself wondering, "Why not?" I mean, doesn't everyone deserve as many chances as it takes to decide what their life is really all about? What if it takes an individual decades to finally surrender to the training they received in their childhood? Judging by my children, there are no limits to a stubborn mindset. So, I guess my thought today is that we all have been given agency and it's the most precious gift we possess next to life itself. Christ will never take that gift away. It's just not in the plan. Unfortunately it means a lot of us will make an unholy mess of our lives before we learn how to shape it again. To use a pottery comparison, very few people are able to throw a perfectly centered, attractive vessel the first time they sit down at a wheel. Most of us make a lot of flintstonian pieces before we produce something recognizable. But if we keep trying, the potential for beauty is there. It's just waiting for us to attain the skill and facility with the medium to make it real. God will let us make as many ugly pots as it takes, because he knows that we're worth it. I know we are.

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