Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I'm not that person...really!

So, as I'm attempting to go through 14 years of accumulation in the house to prepare for a moving sale, I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable with how much stuff there is. Where did it all come from? Why are mortals so fixated on collecting things?

For me it is often about solving problems. My brain searches frantically for a way to fix an issue in my daily routine. Sometimes to the point of fixation. And then I come to believe I've found the solution in a particular object. I acquire it and presto! Problem solved. Sometimes. Too often it's only mildly improved and I'm stuck with the thing I thought would be the cure. Hence the piles of useless junk I'm currently wading through.

Some of the mound can be attributed to obligatory or well-meaning gifts that you receive but really don't need that get stored away just in case you find a need for them someday. Too many of those, I'm afraid.

Another pile comes from "useful" things that might come in handy at some unknown future point. For me, that mountain takes far too long to prove its worth and occasionally I'm filled with an irrational, disproportionate fit of purging (to my husband's horror) which results in the chucking of much of it.

The reality is that the clutter of my life makes me nauseated. I don't like possessing so much evidence of my hoarding. Every time I'm confronted with the visible evidence of my inner magpie, I want to throw up. I don't want to be that person. I don't like being surrounded by piles of things that really don't matter much in 10 years from now. It seems wrong and grabby and ungrateful somehow.

I suppose I should be thankful for the opportunity I've got right now to do this. But some days it's just hard. The mess that results from digging out the clutter can blacken my mood like nothing else. And particularly at Christmas time that seems particularly masochistic to me. But it needs to be done, so I guess I'll just have to find some suitable music and soldier on. Never thought I'd have to create a house-purging playlist. Should be interesting.

2 comments:

  1. Just found your blog and enjoyed your writing. Thanks for sharing. I found this in your Jan 2012 post "Anyway, it's days like these that have me fantasizing about spring, and balmy breezes, and becoming a snowbird someday. Heck, I'd do it now if it was even remotely possible. It's not. Oh well." Made me smile! i admire your pluck in moving overseas. I say I'd like to do it, but I don't know if I could de-junk enough to go! Good luck!

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  2. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree eh Deb? We always thought that our house was messy because we had children living at home. We don't have that excuse anymore and so we find ourselves amidst the piles in each room of our home! I am looking forward to having you guys come and stay in the hopes that your enthusiasm will rub off on me and dad! We are certainly going to miss you so much. 3 years doesn't seem very long when you are young and healthy, but as you age it can seem a really long time! Love you so much and am proud of your example! Mum

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