The job of art is to chase ugliness away. I’ve been doing a lot of that this past 3 1/2 months it seems. Rediscovering pottery after a long hiatus has been at turns delightful and horrifying. The thing I find difficult to reconcile in art is all the ugly/mediocre/disastrous results that are part of the learning process. Maybe that’s why I need to persist. I have problems with failing. I really don’t like it. I want to envision something and then execute it successfully. Having to face my ‘ugly’ is painful. With pottery you have a set time for rescuing the maimed - if I sacrifice it before firing I can remake it into something more acceptable. But once it fires, I’m committed and will live with it forever. That timing is tricky.
The truly painful mishaps are almost successes. There was a recent bowl I eagerly anticipated. The decoration had gone well and it was destined to be something I could happily sell or display. But the rim cracked in glaze firing and after that, I couldn’t look at it the same way. Regardless of the hope it should engender, I keep seeing the shortcomings in it. And that worries me. Am I too critical? Why can’t I acknowledge victory within the learning process?
I realize that perfectionism is part of my anxiety toolkit. It’s why I spend too much time on things that really aren’t all that important. So I believe I need to celebrate the wins of the past few months.
1. I can take ideas out of my head and turn them into reality in paint and clay. That’s no small thing to be excited about.
2. I have relearned all I thought was forgotten and am now steadily gaining new skills that will make even more possible.
3. Challenge breeds growth. I will look back on this time someday as one enormous growth spurt. If the price for that is some ugliness, so be it.
4. As I grow, I’m presented with opportunities to share what I’m learning and I LOVE that.
The real test of my pride will come when we run our Christmas sale at the guild. I care more than I should that people choose to buy what I’ve produced. It’s a validation of the sacrifice. Plus I am not the starving artist type. Hopefully, this ridiculous year will spur people to purchase locally and support creative arts. Otherwise, everyone is getting pottery for Christmas from me this year.
Comments
Post a Comment