Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I'm not that person...really!

So, as I'm attempting to go through 14 years of accumulation in the house to prepare for a moving sale, I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable with how much stuff there is. Where did it all come from? Why are mortals so fixated on collecting things?

For me it is often about solving problems. My brain searches frantically for a way to fix an issue in my daily routine. Sometimes to the point of fixation. And then I come to believe I've found the solution in a particular object. I acquire it and presto! Problem solved. Sometimes. Too often it's only mildly improved and I'm stuck with the thing I thought would be the cure. Hence the piles of useless junk I'm currently wading through.

Some of the mound can be attributed to obligatory or well-meaning gifts that you receive but really don't need that get stored away just in case you find a need for them someday. Too many of those, I'm afraid.

Another pile comes from "useful" things that might come in handy at some unknown future point. For me, that mountain takes far too long to prove its worth and occasionally I'm filled with an irrational, disproportionate fit of purging (to my husband's horror) which results in the chucking of much of it.

The reality is that the clutter of my life makes me nauseated. I don't like possessing so much evidence of my hoarding. Every time I'm confronted with the visible evidence of my inner magpie, I want to throw up. I don't want to be that person. I don't like being surrounded by piles of things that really don't matter much in 10 years from now. It seems wrong and grabby and ungrateful somehow.

I suppose I should be thankful for the opportunity I've got right now to do this. But some days it's just hard. The mess that results from digging out the clutter can blacken my mood like nothing else. And particularly at Christmas time that seems particularly masochistic to me. But it needs to be done, so I guess I'll just have to find some suitable music and soldier on. Never thought I'd have to create a house-purging playlist. Should be interesting.